Elder Financial Abuse

Introduction

2009-10-19T15:49:00.047-04:00

This information is provided in the hopes you will learn from my experience.
(Ignore the dates as I'm trying to post so that the last entry shows up at the end. I'll note actual dates when relevant).

This is a true story involving three people in a classic case of elder financial abuse (exploitation); my mother, her youngest son (the thief) and me

No time to read the whole blog? See the post titled "SUMMARY - HIGHLIGHTS - SOLUTIONS"

The mother:

84 years old
High school graduate
Blind due to macular degeneration.
Became a widow in 1987.
In hospice due to cancer
Two sons

The oldest son (me):

Adopted at six months of age
48 years old
BS degree
Honorably discharged from the US Air Force as a Major
Airline Pilot and published author
Wife and two children
I consider myself very knowledgeable with all matters financial. I subscribe to several financial publications and have read several books on subjects such as insurance, personal finance and stock investing.

The youngest son (from here on referred to as XX):

Adopted at about two years of age (not sure)
46 years old
He has a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. Bipolar?
Associates Degree
single

Prior to my fathers death in 1987, my parents lived in a two story home. I was moving around the country flying with different companies wherever I could find work. XX worked and was paying rent to live in peoples homes (typically the lower floor of a home). When my father died, I moved back home to help my mother out and to also re-evaluate my own life (flying jobs were scarce).

For the next few years, I worked as a temp and eventually went back to work as a flight instructor. In 1990, my life turned around as I got married and was hired by a commuter airline. I left home for good. For the next 11 years, all was well. I was raising a family and went from apartments to my first and second homes. XX continued renting and working.

It's after 9/11 that things begin to fall apart.

A new world

2009-10-19T15:47:00.006-04:00

Certainly it was a new world after 9/11, perhaps more so for me as an airline pilot. The week prior to 9/11, my wife and I completed the sale of home #1 and purchase of home #2 (for our growing family). We went from living near our families to living two hours away. At the same time, unknown to me, my mother and XX decided to sell the family home. They would buy a house together. So the house was sold and ALL the proceeds were put into the new home. XX took out a mortgage on the balance. XX was listed on the deed along with my mother (joint tenants with rights of survivor-ship). By the time I was informed, it was done.

My mother had a very straight forward will, which she never updated after the move. XX and I split everything. Well, that was the idea anyway. Under State law, as I understand it, the new house will go to XX upon the death of my mother. The will is of no help, especially since to this day (seven years later) it still references the prior home as her residence. Morally, XX should understand that when he sells the house, he should give half of my mothers portion from the original house to me. Won't happen.

My mothers health up to this point is what you'd expect of an older woman. She has battled different cancers and has a breathing condition called COPD. She gets around alright and still drives. She's slowing down, but otherwise not much change as far as I can tell.

SUMMARY: In 2001, I moved my family two hours away from our families. My mother and XX sell the family home, buy a new house together with both on the deed. My mothers health is not yet an issue.

A hint of trouble-2001 thru 2006

2009-10-19T15:45:00.009-04:00

In late 2001, my mother almost dies. Passerby call police and she's taken to the hospital. She had respiratory arrest. She was in intensive care on a breathing machine. It took a long time for her to get her strength back. I don't know for sure, but I suspect it was at this time XX started paying bills for her and started opening her mail. At this point, neither one of us is designated Power of Attorney and technically, he should not be writing checks from her account.

My mother eventually returns home, but her health took a big hit. As time goes by, she has another attack and goes through the same experience. Also during these years, I learn XX is in financial difficulty. Debt collectors call my mothers phone asking for XX. I don't know why they have her number. Notices are left on her cars windshield. One of my moms friends told me that while walking towards my moms house to visit, a representative from a collection agency approached her and asked questions.

Eventually, my mothers bank accounts are frozen. Apparently, she had XX listed on the accounts. My mother was not at all happy. Somehow, the situation was rectified and she transferred the funds to new accounts with no other names listed. I imagine his own account(s) have been frozen and maybe to this day he has no accounts of his own. My mothers vision starts to deteriorate due to macular degeneration.

During this period, I decided to have a hard talk with her. I asked to go through her box of important papers. So I found her will, with the prior house referenced, and I also found some old stock certificates. I did a lot of research and spent hours on the computer and made plenty of phone calls. The stock certificates were for the old MaBell phone company. There's a company called ComputerShare that serves as a repository for old stocks. Everything has been computerized. See the next post for what happens.

I told my mother she needed to go into a retirement home where people could keep an eye on her. I found a great place 30 minutes away from where I live. It's very much like a nice hotel. They had a nice dining room and the menu listed a very good selection of food. They would provide free transportation to and from doctor appointments. As a matter of fact, the hospital is not far and the area is full of medical facilities and all sorts of specialists. The retirement home also provided entertainment and so on. I don't want to bore you, but this place was great.

I worked out the financial aspect and I basically had everything set to go. All I needed was the go ahead. Naturally, my mother didn't want to hear about it. I explained it had to be done BEFORE she needed it, while she was still independent and in relatively good health. I explained she couldn't just snap her fingers and go. Crucial to this was I knew the housing bubble would burst. I wanted them to sell the house while they could get enough money. The principle would be safe as the interest would pay the monthly rent. Of course, I had not yet figured out XX wanted the house to himself. He knew what he was doing.

So that was that. I have a clear conscience. If this had worked out, they would have made good money on the house. The money would be safe and my mother would be well taken care of. The cancer which is killing her might have been discovered earlier and treated. And perhaps my mother would not have spent hours on the floor, bleeding and alone in her current place because no one was there every time she fell (three times so far I believe).

SUMMARY: Mothers health in decline. XX opens her mail and pays bills during her hospitalization, even though he is not Power of Attorney. XX is pursued by one or more debt collectors. Mothers bank accounts frozen as XX is listed on those accounts. Mother opens new accounts in her name only. Her vision is deteriorating.

I found Money!

2009-10-19T15:43:00.012-04:00

My mother opened her new accounts on 13 Oct 2006. The closing balance for her checking account is $563.49 and for her savings is $10,177.69. This will be my starting point for all calculations to come. I have this information because on 02 July 2007, she appointed me Power of Attorney, and with that, I did much research. More on that later.

Here's the new accounts (clicking images enlarges them. Use your back button to return):

In the last post I mentioned I found stock certificates left from my father. After much work on my part, I was able to sell the stocks and deposit $15,223.03 into my moms savings account. This occurred on 06 Dec 2006.

At this point, in my mind, I believe XX has no knowledge of what is in the savings account and can not access it. I can't recall why I believed that, and I'm still positive to this day XX had no idea what was in savings. I'm aware he's helping himself to my mothers money, but it's only a few hundred a month from her checking account, so I let it go. I observe that XX is signing my mothers name on checks. XX has her debit card with access to her checking account. XX is starting to handle the mail (recall they live in the same house). XX is paying some of his bills directly from her checking account (where the biller deducts the amount automatically), such as the newspaper, EZpass, etc. This list will grow over time. XX is also using her credit card. My mothers vision is going fast.

SUMMARY: My mother starts with a clean slate; brand new checking and savings account. I find $15K in stocks and deposit the proceeds into her savings. XX is stealing a few hundred from my mother here and there, and I let it go.

I had my chance - 02 July 2007

2009-10-19T15:41:00.023-04:00

To sort of recap, my mother and XX are living together in the same house. She has the downstairs and XX lives upstairs. Both are listed on the deed. My mothers health is in decline and she is losing her vision. Since she's having trouble seeing and writing, XX starts to open her mail and write checks for her (signing her name) and has the use of her debit card which will access only her checking account.

In the period 2006/2007, XX had a boyfriend and I think they were close. They had a very bad break-up and I think somehow this leads to the finances of XX going from bad to out of control. My recollection of the sequence of events in this time period may not be accurate. Just keep the boyfriend in back of your mind. I'm going to come back to it later.

IMPORTANT as this comes into play later. I can not access banking information via computer as XX has already established that. However, he has not set up the phone response system, so I'm able to monitor my mothers accounts (Washington Mutual) that way. I also have computer access to her credit card at Chase. Her insurance policy and another account are at MetLife.

My mother has no clue what's going on. As I realize things are not good, I lower the limit on my moms credit card to $4,000 (while XX is in hospital; next paragraph). I don't think I was Power of Attorney yet, but as I was logging into her credit card account online, I was able to do it that way, no questions asked

On 02 July 2007, my mother appoints me Power of Attorney. This occurs because XX is hospitalized with some strange heart problem and he's almost killed by it. Apparently some sort of infection (or was it drugs or exposure to something? The privacy act means only the police can find out). I explain to my mother that with him unable to help, and her health on the rocks, she should appoint me POA so that I could legally attend to her financial needs. I send a copy to the institutions with which she has accounts and I get access to records. Oh yeah, and my mother and XX made a big deal out of the doctors attitude. When XX asked the doctor what would happen to him, the doctor responded "You're going to die". ( March 2010 update: I now understand why the doctor said that).

And so the biggest mistake occurs. Even though I'm POA, I don't redirect mail and bills. I don't take the checkbook and debit/credit cards. BIG, BIG mistake. So this is the cross I bear. You ask why I didn't do anything? XX is the one driving her all over and shopping for her. He lives with her. It just seemed like not a big deal at the time. My wife tells me I tried to take over, but XX gave a hard time. I don't recall.

I still thought XX was basically good and trying to help my mother. The fact XX was paying some of his bills with her money was not a great concern because, as I figured, he takes days off to run her to doctors appointments, drives her on Saturdays to visit friends, does her shopping and so on. I had no idea what was to come. So anyway, XX got out of the hospital and everything continued.

On several occasions, prior to this date and last August, I begged my mother to at least move in with my family. We have room. Lot's of room. She'd have the master bedroom which has its own full bath with a walk-in shower which is large. There's usually someone here, we cook and clean and overall she'd be on easy street. Like talking to a wall though.

I think it was January 2008 when I had a real sense of trouble. I suggested to my mother she give me $10K for safekeeping. XX didn't like that and called me to put a stop to it. I had the check in my possession, signed by my mother. I waited and I think in February I deposited it. She signed a letter saying it was a gift and that was also written in the memo spot. If she needs it while she's alive, I'll buy whatever she needs with it. After she dies, it'll still be considered a gift. At least I've managed to save some of her money for her.

SUMMARY: XX was hospitalized and I was appointed Power of Attorney. XX had a boyfriend and they had a bad break-up. XX is paying some of his bills from my mothers checking account and signing her name on checks.

All hell breaks loose - 09 Aug 2009

2009-10-19T15:39:00.027-04:00

Well, here's the lead up to one of the worst weeks of my life. We're all familiar with the financial meltdown. In the late winter (start of 2009), Chase (my mothers credit card), MetLife (her insurance and a spending account) and Washington Mutual (checking and savings accounts) are all merged. Sadly, the ramifications of this escaped me. I'm merrily going about my life believing XX is simply taking a few extra dollars for himself once in awhile and using my mothers checking account to pay some bills.

In early 2009, Chase took over and, I'm guessing, sent out new ATM cards. The bank statements changed also. Not only did XX now see ALL of her accounts and balances, but HE HAD ACCESS! Well, access to the savings account which I thought was safe. If you look a few posts up, you'll see the savings account is at $24,949.48 after my big deposit. Over time, my mom probably took some money out ($1,552 and about $1,244 was transferred to checking during the 2 year 5 month period), so here's the last statement before XX jumps in:

It shows $22,152.90. Now here's the following months savings statement:

By the time I discover XX is raiding her savings (while still paying his bills with her checking account) in early August, he's already blown through $4,000! I discovered this on Sunday, August 9th. Logging into the Chase credit card account, I was presented with an entirely new screen. I had been checking the credit card every few months and was lax about the checking account since he couldn't steal too much there and the savings account had been safe. So looking at the new screen, I'm wondering why her checking, savings, MetLife insurance and spending accounts are there (remember this used to be just a credit card account). I quickly put it all together and realize what had happened. XX realized it too, but several months earlier.

So first thing Monday morning (the 10th), I race to the closest Chase bank I can find and close the savings account. I hadn't called my mother about this and perhaps I should have, but I knew she wasn't spending that kind of money. I suspected XX but there was also the possibility of identity theft. I wanted to close it first and then figure out what happened. So here's the statement where I closed the savings account. I left the checking intact. I'm going to explain the transactions below.

So you'll see that in closing the savings account, I was left with $18,010.77. The next week was very bad as XX went absolutely berserk. More on that later. I deposited the money at another bank in my mothers name with me as POA. Because of the events that unfolded during the week, I was forced to return the money where XX could get at it. Figuratively speaking, my brother had, and still has, a gun to my mothers head. Any move I make ultimately affects her. Before I close the new accounts, I send a check for $3,263.00 to the credit card and cancel it before he runs it up to the $4K limit. Not only was I angry about the balance, but he's not making payments on time and so the interest and fees are adding up. After that's done I close the new accounts. After paying $11 for checks, $50 early closing fee and allowing for .30 in interest, I get a check for $14,687.07 which I deposit into my mothers checking account. You'll see that in the image above. Also you'll see a withdrawal 9/2 for $503.50. I gave my mother a gift card so she would have something for cash while all the transactions settled.

I want to mention that XX can't seem to pay anything on time. The lights went out once for not paying the electric bill. Her cable went out another time. I saw a warning letter from the auto insurance company that coverage was about to be dropped (it was a postcard). On and on....

By the way, I discovered he has an alias name, Tom Crown. What if he used it to fraudulently obtain a government ID? I have information XX's drivers license is suspended. I believe XX created the alias in order to obtain a new drivers license and perhaps other government ID's and/or financial accounts. It's possible he created the alias with information found through his employment at a financial institution.

SUMMARY: He starts stealing in a big way. And it's blatant stealing at that. He has an alias and most likely obtained a new drivers license with it. Highly probable his 'real' license was suspended.

Our text messages

2009-10-19T15:37:00.035-04:00

After I closed her savings account early Monday morning, August 10th, 2009, I called to let him know I closed the account due to suspicious transactions. I also called my mother to let her know. Initially there was very little reaction. That was to change. As the hours and days wore on, XX is texting me and I think there were just a couple of phone calls. I take it as harassment. The text messaging starts Monday, several hours after I closed the account. On Friday, the 14th, about 7PM we reach the boiling point. XX is in an absolute rage. At one point I'm on the phone with my mother. In the background, he is screaming at the top of his lungs. I wish I had it on tape. I found it chilling. I recall he yelled I owed him an apology. Uh, yeah.

So here's the text as things start off Monday afternoon. There's a break during the week because he thinks I'm sending money down (a delay tactic) and then XX goes wild on Friday the 14th. You'll notice I don't text back on the 15th or 16th. I'm away in a hotel with the phone turned off for the weekend. My wife and kids went away to get out of the house.

I blocked out identifying information and his curse words. I've written some more at the bottom:

He often writes "mom said..." or "mom and I want to know...". What a bunch of crud. My mother and I talked about this and she said she wasn't involved, that she didn't say anything.

Notice below his comment "Hope yo have been enjoying the show".

Next he mentions me hitting my mom up for money (recall the $10K she gave me in Jan 2008, previous post) and the girls college. I previously explained to my mother that there was only $10,000 of insurance money for me, that XX would get the house, would exhaust her bank accounts and still get his share of insurance money, $10K. I explained my girls would get nothing and since this is it for grandchildren, and her money, she should consider giving each money now, while she had money. I ended up with her authorization to give each grandchild $2K, which I never took out because XX would blow a gasket and again my mother would be trapped with his maniacal screaming and all..

After I wrote the word "Mark", the boyfriend with whom he had a bad break-up, the text messages stopped. Do you see that statement "BTW I have moor debt case on of ***hole"? I think it's a Freudian slip.

After this exchange, he starts calling our house phone and hanging up. At some point I'm talking to my mother and she tells me XX left in the car. I'm convinced he's coming to my house to kill us all. My youngest daughter was supposed to have friend over to spend the night. The friend had just arrived, so I explained to the friends mother the situation and both kids left. Then, my oldest daughter and wife quickly pack bags and we're out of here looking for a hotel. Yup, scared out of our own home. Because of weddings in the area, the hotels were full. We drive around and then park to think about everything. I guess about 2AM we ended up back in our house, but we slept in another part of the house with a supply of knives and other defensive weapons. We did go away for the weekend however just to relax and get away. I also changed phone numbers, canceled my email account and canceled my membership to social networking sites.

Friends and neighbors called the next day just to make sure we were still alive.

Without going into details, I have seen to the protection of my family and everyone knows exactly what to do should anyone attempt to break in. We sleep just fine.

The images below show what happened when he realized his credit card was closed out. He made such a stink about not being able to use EZpass and he even had my mother involved. I argued they could drive in the cash lane but of course XX wanted plastic. To calm my mother down, I had to get him a new card. I actually opened a new one in my mothers name and had his name listed also. I can't recall why I listed him at the moment.

PENDEJO means jerk, coward or silly.

He always had a short temper. I recall one time playing Parcheesi with my parents and XX. I guess XX was losing or who knows what but he flipped the game-board off the table and went upstairs. Another time, I arrived home from college (six hour drive) and walked in on a fight between XX and my father. XX threw a big heavy ashtray and charged out. I went back to my car and headed for the police station. I was going to ask for help but decided to let it go. I was afraid that night, that's how much of a nut he is.

Most recently, he had a cat. The cat ended up downstairs and my mom didn't know what was going on, so she let it out and goodbye kitty. XX was furious. He yelled at her and when slamming the pocket door, threw the door off its track. Also recently, I was visiting my mother and XX called from work. She mentioned I could mow the lawn to him, but he made it very clear I was not to mow the lawn. Well, the following week I forgot about that and mowed the lawn. You wouldn't believe the messages he sent, all because I mowed the lawn. Maybe if he did it, I wouldn't have to. I wish I had those messages because you wouldn't believe it.

So I started to think maybe he's on drugs, that by closing the savings account, I deprived him of drug money. I started to think he had drugs hidden in the back lawn in some exotic hiding spot. His anger and the things he blows up about make no sense. His anger is so intense.

SUMMARY: he's unstable

Let's talk money - how much is missing?

2009-10-19T15:27:00.033-04:00

It's mid October 2009. You're not going to believe this. I just logged into her account to see the latest action. I wanted to see the balance so I could do some math. I circled the ATM withdrawals. Is there some reason why all of a sudden he's using ATM machines all over town including other banks (and paying MORE FEES!)?

OK, here's the screen shot. Click it to enlarge the view. Sit down:

Here's a couple of recent transactions that occurred shortly after the above image was taken. I circled the new withdrawals.

That's $5215 in two months.

At this rate, it'll all be gone soon. I would have thought a lot of transactions at different locations like this would trigger some sort of alert at the bank. Oh well! Anyway, let's do some math. I'm going to work with the 36 bank statements starting when my mom opened up the new accounts.

So let's keep it simple. I want to start off as if during those 36 statements she received no income and spent no money. I want to start with a number after all the wacky transactions from when I closed/opened accounts.

10,741 starting balance

+15,223 from stock I sold

- 1,552 miscellaneous withdrawals my mother (I assume) made or directed 10/13/06 - 3/3/09

- 3,263 I paid to the credit card

- 61 bank fees and we're left with

21,088 which is what would be in her account right now with no other transactions. The next is easy. Let's add all of her deposits from social security, her pension and my fathers life insurance.

21,088

+52,916

= $74,004

Now to subtract her spending. What I believe her spending should be anyway. I actually called the cable company for example. I have a family myself so I can guess what things cost. Here's my estimates based on my mother paying the FULL BILL, which makes no sense since they both use electricity, benefit from gas heat and so on. But I'll start her paying the whole thing EXCLUDING mortgage, property tax and homeowners insurance.

Per month:

139 auto insurance

80 gas & tolls

3 towards auto registration

200 doctors/meds

20 gifts

50 personal care

200 groceries (she eats like a bird)

60 dine out

30 phone

200 electric

25 cable (should be $0 as the two channels she watches are available with rabbit ears.)

125 natural gas

275 for other stuff

Now I may be off base on some of that or there may be something I missed. I just want to get a rough idea.

So that comes to 1,407/month. Over the period of the 36 bank statements we get:

74,004

-50,652

=$23,352 she should have in the bank if she's paying almost everything.

If we take the figures and assume she pays full for her stuff and splits other items, I get:

74,004

-36,828

=$37,176 she should have in the bank if they split certain items.

Finally, if we take the figures, forget about the $275 I have for 'other stuff' and she pays for only her stuff, I get (she puts $100 to electricity and $100 to gas):

74,004

-27,360

=$46,644 she should have in the bank if all was handled the way it should have been

What does she actually have in the bank? Drum-roll please.......

$10,114 (29 Oct 09) is currently in her bank. Yup. I can only wonder where they'd be right now if I didn't find that $15K my father had in stock. I mean, they'd be $5,109 in the hole.

So depending on the scenario we use, there's a shortage of $13,238, $27,062 or $36,530. That's a pretty wide range. I think it's safe to say he stole at least $20K. Consider this; when she started her new accounts, she had $10,741.18 which is about where she is now. So XX at a minimum burned through the $15,223.03 I deposited from the sale of stocks, right?

Why is she paying auto insurance when she hasn't driven in several years? Why is my mother paying so much to Verizon and cable? Why is she paying interest, ATM transaction and late fees? Why is she paying anything? I mean, we''re talking about an old woman sitting in basically a small apartment. How much can she really be spending? Many working people are supporting a family. He can't even support himself. He's pathetic.

My mother is clueless and doesn't care. I don't blame her. When you're 80+ and staring death in the eye, would you give a hoot about your money?

To quote my favorite author Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "so it goes".

By the way, I didn't want you to think I'm ignoring the credit card, but with a $2K limit, I'm not really watching it, but here's a screen shot. Notice the bonehead's already into late fees:

SUMMARY: A lot of money is missing. I think XX has stolen at least $20,000 (closer to $30K).

Where is it going?

2009-10-19T15:25:00.009-04:00

It's only natural for me to wonder where $20,000 or more went, right? Supposedly he has a job (making almost $68K/yr). Where's his money going? He's driving my moms old car. He doesn't have nice clothes or an expensive watch. If he had medical bills, he would tell me. I had to go upstairs to his place while he was in the hospital. I can't recall why but it was disgusting up there. The health department would have condemned it. I told my wife I would never eat there again (we celebrated Thanksgiving there twice I believe).

So back to the question. Where could that much money go? I have pleaded with him to open up to me, that perhaps I could help him with whatever trouble he's in. SLAM! Alright then. I asked him if we could all sit down together and discuss finances. SLAM! I'm trying.

Back to the hospital; what happened there? Could drugs have lead to that episode? It's not like he went to a jungle in a third world county. Can I assume it's cocaine? Could it be gambling? Is he being blackmailed? Oh yeah, remember that boyfriend, Mark? Maybe he knows something. I'm tracking him down and I'm going to get some answers. (UPDATE June 2010: I think the guy's back in Canada). Below are some photos of his part of the house; as far as I dare go anyway.

That's a pile of mail under the booklet. Probably some unpaid bills in there.

That's the stove straight ahead where the kettle is.

Better view of the stove with junk on it.

Yep, that's a dog in his cage.

Normally, you'd see a living room, but all this junk blocks the view.

SUMMARY: I have no clue as to where all this money is going. I think it's drugs.

Planning a funeral - sort of

2009-10-19T03:21:00.007-04:00

I suggested to XX he allow me (I'm going to throw up) to take money from her account to give to a funeral home. In this way, it could be in an irrevocable trust (safe) and we'd know that at least she'd get a proper send off. SLAM!

XX thinks he can sign over his insurance money. We both get $10K by the way. It's spelled out at the insurance company. So he thinks he's going to waltz in and sign his money over; of course my money also. I've discussed this with the insurance company and the money CAN NOT be signed over. So that's that. He doesn't want to talk about it now. Baloney. He has a plan.

His plan is we both walk in. The director will want at least a down payment to get things started, and I'm guessing full payment before burial. XX will play dumb and talk about signing over the insurance money. That will hit a dead end. XX knows he has zilch in the bank and the worst credit rating available. Would he take money out of her account? After all, the bank won't know for a very long time that their client is deceased.

In short, his plan is to look over at me and leave me holding the bag. He's going to get the house ($500K if debt collectors don't get it), his $10K insurance money and all he stole; then expect me to pay for the funeral.

I have a plan also. By the way, notice his text where he writes "WE" will just use her accounts. I don't think so. When she dies, my POA goes with her. Without a will (since I voided it), there is no going to the bank. The account will be almost empty anyway.

I recently found out that in this State, a funeral home can not be named beneficiary.

A little more weirdness

2009-10-19T03:19:00.003-04:00

The other day I'm going to my moms because she was being enrolled in hospice. I wanted to be there to hear what the nurse said. On my way, I get this text from XX:

I am not spending a penny. I bring this up because my mom used to offer me money for my gas, tolls and buying her burgers or other stuff. I'd refuse and say "no mom, it's OK, just keep your money". Holy cow was I ever wrong. Once I realized that in practice it's actually XX's money, you bet I take it. And I have no problem reminding her it cost me about $30 every time I go visit her.

So the hospice lady is talking. The three of them are at a table. My moms back is to me as I'm sitting on the couch. A text message came to my phone so it made a noise. I retrieved the phone from a table and read it. Just a note from my wife, no response required on my part.

Well, I'm just sitting there listening to the nurse. I have an iPhone so my finger just starts playing around with the buttons on the phone. I guess XX didn't like that:

My two responses are lies. I can't question where over $20K went, but he's asking about my phone? I turned the phone off for the next 66 hours. Why was a repeat message sent at 2:05 AM?

Then there's this message out of left field:

OK, so he's wondering if I took money out for her funeral? The date/time is cut-off, but this is 8:23 AM October 20th 2009. This is as far as it went. I do not understand.

Am I out of the family?

2009-10-19T03:17:00.007-04:00

They all think XX is so wonderful (not their fault). A cousin recently told me he's been bad mouthing me. I've already begun to exit the family circle. I shut down my social networking sites. I changed my email. I changed phone numbers. No one can find me now. My wife and kids never want to see him again. I don't blame them. Maybe because I've known him so long, I tolerate him better.

We could never attend any event where my brother would be. I know my wife and kids will not attend the funeral. I'm not even sure about it myself. As far as I'm concerned, funerals, cemeteries and all of that are for the living. The family is not big enough for both of us. Either they kick him out, or I'll have to disappear. As much as I hate for my mother to die, I also know I'll be free. It'll be the start of a brand new life; a life without XX.

Is there a way out?

2009-10-18T18:59:00.013-04:00

Part of me wants him in jail. FOREVER! NOW! That's the part of me that can't deal with his temper tantrums and what he's done to our family. Strangely, with all that's going on, I sometimes have sympathy for him. He might have met some bad people. He might have gotten in over his head with something. Perhaps something is affecting his mind. I wish he'd tell me; I think.

I've tried to sound the alarm. My choices were:

1) I go to the police (tried this 10/30/09; they can't help; or can't be bothered)
2) I go to a lawyer (wants me to spend $6K to set up guardianship. Too late for that.)
3) I go to the bank (tried, the woman was useless; like talking to a wall)
4) He comes clean and somehow tries to make amends (will never happen)
5) I contact Adult Protective Services (APS).(tried 12/4. She was useless.)
6) I spoke with some FBI agents where I live. They said I'm fighting an uphill battle and to visit the local office.
7) I sent an email to the local FBI Dec 9th. No response so I called today (Dec 21st). At this point, I don't really care what they say, I just need to know I tried to tell someone. So I get this mean guy (didn't even introduce himself when he answered the phone) and he's asking why I called the FBI and that I'm not making any points. So I back out and he says he has my number and he'll check me out. I give up.

(View my page 'Dec 29 major breakthrough' to see other steps I took).

I'm trying hard to avoid destroying the family while my mother is alive. Yes, it's him that's causing the destruction, but I'd be the one to light the fuse. In any event, my mother doesn't need to see this happen. This gives new meaning to 'between a rock and a hard place'. He needs to be taken away.

XX sent a text. I've been expecting it actually. He's concerned about the $10K I have for safekeeping:

He still doesn't understand he can't legally give me a check. Only my mom can or it has to be signed by me. As far as the $10K, the only way it will be spent on my mother is if ALL her mail goes to me AND I get the checkbook, credit card and debit card AND I can have total control over the online banking. PERIOD!

Where is it going? UPDATE

2009-10-17T18:00:00.004-04:00

I decided to visit a building in which they store records regarding judgments against people. These records are public but you have to appear in person. Here's what I discovered about XX. It adds up to $29,995 in judgments against him. I'm told there could be even more on a different court level (something like that). No liens on the house (yet). Perhaps because my mother is on the deed? Will liens come when word gets out my mother died?

Remember, you can click an image to enlarge it. Use your back button to return.

New Piece of the Puzzle

2009-10-16T20:10:00.005-04:00

Today is Friday, Nov 6, 2009. I've been wondering how XX has been using the debit card so much. My mother tells me she gives him the card once in awhile to get cash for her. She said she gives him the card and then he brings it back to her with the cash. Meanwhile, the bank says there's only one card. So I started to think he must have a duplicate of her debit card.

I went through a whole big investigation today, but here's the bottom line. My mother only THINKS she has a debit card. XX has the actual debit card; ALWAYS. My mom doesn't realize she has only a credit card. So picture this scene. She goes to XX, hands him her credit card and says go get money. He laughs to himself, strolls out and gets the cash. He returns and gives her the cash and credit card. Such a good boy. So he has her debit card and she doesn't know it.

Oh, I lucked out. In the mailbox was a check for $1,200 from her MetLife account. It's on it's way to an account I have for her. The money will never be touched as the account will someday be an 'orphaned' account with unclaimed funds. I'm just keeping it out of XX's hands.

Her account gets even lower-the end is near!

2009-10-15T14:06:00.011-04:00

Before I show you the latest, check out this email he sent to several people, including me:

**************************************************************************

MORAL FOR TODAY
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!
*****
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW .......

Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your a**, it always comes back to bite you.

******************************************************************************

Do you think he read the moral of the story? Now the latest. XX is paying the mortgage from her account. Since I estimate the mortgage to be about $1,300 or so, this payment means he was three months behind.

Missing money update: On 29 Oct 09, I wrote that based on how calculations were made, she should have either $23,352, $37,176 or $46,644 in her account, but she had only $10,114.

As of today (22 Nov 09), she should have either $24,821, $38,645 or $48,113. She in fact has $5,395, which means she's missing either $19,426, $33,250 or $41,249.

Nov 30, 2009...down to $4,414.

Dec 16 Update

2009-10-14T09:47:00.015-04:00

It's Dec 16, 2009. My moms account is down to $2,114. The day's still young though as it's only 9:25 AM. XX did a internet search for me on Dec 2nd. I performed an identical search and nothing significant came up. I wonder what he's looking for?

Last week, I called Chase to update my phone number. I've lost track of how many times I changed it. Anyway, I'm talking to an Asian woman with very bad English speaking skills. She had to ask me three security questions. I gave up trying to understand the questions and so my focus was listening for something familiar in the possible answers she offered. I failed the test. So now Chase cancels the credit card. XX gets hot about it. They call my mom and everything is straightened out. They will get a new card. I don't understand why there was no affect on the checking account and debit card though. I'm not a fan of Chase.

I've met a lawyer to figure out what to do with my moms useless will. Everything is in the house. The deed is written so my brother gets it when she dies. The lawyer said she'll go to my moms house and have papers signed there. They will have to remove XX from the deed (if I understand correctly) and the lawyer said XX will never know. I'm not sure how you take someone off a deed without their knowledge. So it ends up that my mom gets a new will saying we split everything 50/50 and in order for that to work, she will be the only one on the deed.

We are both scared that XX will find out. Also, I should only get 50% of my moms previous house, so this new arrangement gives me more. When you consider he stole half of my inheritance portion from her bank account already, not a big deal.

I want to get this in the open, so I'm about to send XX an email explaining the situation and he has two choices; to allow mom to get a lawyer to split everything 50/50, or do nothing and get it all. At least it'll be out to for the whole world to see his intentions.

January 7th, 2009 update: I just explained how we're afraid he would find out, but the lawyer said there's no way for him to discover changes to the will. Guess who just mailed a statement to my mom's address? After I made it crystal clear (so I thought) no mail was to go to her address, they send a statement! Of course I received a phone call from XX (talking through my mother) yesterday. Talk about aggravation. Can you imagine if I had not already discussed the will with him? So I just had to explain it was in the works but canceled thanks to him.

I also made funeral arrangements. $9,550. If my brother says we can get a lawyer, then I'll send a check (almost half will be from my mothers accounts that I've hidden from XX). If my brother want's it all, then 'bye 'bye funeral arrangements, he's on his own which could mean Potters Field for my mother. If I'm confident I can get my share of her property in civil court, then maybe I'll still buy her a funeral.

As you can see, the situation is deteriorating. So he's on his own with the funeral unless a lawyer makes me feel good about contesting the distribution of her property. Guess she's heading to Potters Field otherwise. If he really cared about her, he'd make sure he was in charge of her final arrangements and had the money. He's in for a surprise when I disappear.

Just want to add how much he's ruined my last days with my mother. I would like to have visited her with my family Thanksgiving. There are Sundays and Saturdays we could have visited. Christmas was another no show for us. If he's there, then we can't visit. We can't imagine being in the same room with him. YUCK! A couple of times I was ten minutes from her house and when I called to see what he was up to; darn it, he was there. Nothing like wasting almost five hours driving back and forth. Much wasted gas. So not only has he robbed her financially, but he's robbed her of visits from my family. Very very sad.

Dec 29 major breakthough

2009-10-14T09:45:00.019-04:00

I've been wondering why there's so much money going to EZpass on the credit card. So I simply called and they told me he drives a lot to a bad place late at night. Oh? So I go in person and get the last statement available. Here it is (click it to enlarge and use the back button to return):

So every three or four days, he leaves Staten Island via the Goethals Bridge and enters the New Jersey Turnpike at Exit 13. He then goes North to Exit 14B which is Jersey City. About 50 minutes later, he's over the Bayonne Bridge and back on Staten Island. Probably DUI at that point. So there you have it. He's very likely a drug addict and dealer. I'm not surprised.

It makes no sense to go over the Goethals Bridge unless he has something to do there first. I have to find out where he goes in both areas (Goethals Bridge and Exit 14B). (NOTE: see 'XX Goes For a Drive' for an update on this).

MONEY UPDATE

Using the math from the page where I calculate how much is missing, here's where we stand:

If she's paying all bills, she should now have $24,393
If she's paying full amount on her bills and splitting shared bills, she should have $38,985
If this where done my way and he supported her like most people support a family, she would have $48,979

What she has in the bank as of 10:42 AM Tuesday, Dec 29th, 2009 is $1,016.

Gotta write it again because it's hard to believe. She has in her checking account $1,016.
($677 now on Dec 30th).

So he has stolen either: $23,377, $37,969 or $47,963

POLICE UPDATE

I called the Staten Island District Attorneys office yesterday, Dec 28th. They said I have to go to the police first. I already made a visit (Oct 30) to the 122nd and 123rd, but OK, let's try again. So today I called the main number for the 123rd Precinct. The officer said to go to my moms and call 911. Well, that won't work. My mother won't back me up and it'll be XX's word against mine. And then I've ruined a shot at getting him for drugs.

So I called the detective squad. I was told that as far as the money situation, she has to initiate a complaint to bring charges. That will never happen. So I asked about the drug part. I'm told that's a problem for the Jersey City Police. I paid a visit to the Jersey City Police on Dec 28th, and the officer at the desk gave me some phone numbers to call. Maybe someday I'll call, but I've had enough rejection for now. By the way, I made the visit after flying an airline jet all day and suddenly there I am, in uniform, in a very scary place in the dark. Even the police station is locked; you have to ring a buzzer to get in. Peoples homes have iron bars covering windows and doors. I could have been killed by a stray bullet or something.

It just blows my mind how one person can commit so many crimes and get away with it. All I'm asking is for some law enforcement agency to look into everything he's doing and take action. XX could lead police to a drug ring or they could gain valuable info on identity theft. Who knows? I guess you have to tell a bad joke at airport security to get any attention these days.

ANOTHER VISIT HOME DOWN THE TUBES

I spoke with my mom last night, the 29th. I told her I'd probably bring the family down today for a visit. I figured XX would be at work since he worked yesterday and probably off for New Years Eve & Day. I told her not to tell him we were coming. Guess what. She told him. So he's home today having probably called out sick. So once again I have to get out of visiting with my family. Sadly, we have to drive down there anyway for other reasons, so it really annoys me to be so close and not visit, especially with my family. What would she say if she knew how many visits didn't occur due to XX? Well, I went by myself while my wife and my youngest daughter ran errands. XX was nowhere to be seen thank goodness.

I have NO luck

2009-10-14T09:42:00.005-04:00

I updated this in an earlier post, but if you missed it; the lawyers bookkeeper actually sent a statement to my moms house, and you know what that means. Now I was very firm with the lawyer that under no circumstance was anything to be mailed to her address. So XX calls on Wednesday (Jan 6, 2010) and wants to know why I paid a lawyer and why I used money from my mothers MetLife account. Darn it! We already had a discussion about fixing her will. He said do nothing. So I told him I had only paid to start the process with the lawyer and most of the retainer would be returned since we're not doing anything.

The point is my mother and I were both terrified if the deed were changed and he found out. The lawyer assured me there was no way he could find out. This just proves there was a way he would have found out.

Two days later, the 8th, he gets a statement from MetLife in the mail. Ouch! Of course it shows the money I paid to the lawyer, but what has him going is the $3,500 I took out. I deposited it in another bank (where I had deposited a MetLife check already) in my mothers name. From there, I gave my kids each $2K as my mother had authorized last summer.

She's down to $219. With three weeks to go, he's going to be feeling the heat. It goes without saying no bills are being paid. Here's a current screen shot:

XX Goes For a Drive

2009-10-14T09:40:00.028-04:00

Now that we know he's driving to New Jersey every few days, it's only logical to find out exactly where he's going. I can't begin to tell you how much work this is. I had to install a tracking device on the car. This particular drive ran about eight hours. Below is the text of what happened. Most numbers correspond to points on maps lower down (I don't show all). Enjoy!

Map #, Time, Arrival/Departure, Description

1) 1846 - leaves home
2) 1848 - Arrives 7 Petrus Ave (to see Dr. Howard Scheiner)
2) 1948 - Departs - was there 1:00
3) 1953 -stops for a visit
3) 2103 - Departs - was there 1:10
4) 2109 - Arrives home
4) 2152 - Departs - was there :43
5) 2155 - Arrives Kmart parking lot (Chase Bank ATM-withdrew $100)
5) 2200 - Departs - was there :05
6) 2213 - passing over Goethals Bridge into New Jersey
7) 2214 - enters New Jersey Turnpike at Exit 13
8) 2227 - exits the New Jersey Turnpike at Exit 14B (Jersey City)
9) 2232 - Arrives vicinity of 183 Bayview Ave (Sacred Heart Church)
9) 2247 - Departs - was there :15
10) 2252 - Arrives side of road (Caven Point Road just West of Bayview Ave)
10) 2305 - Departs - was there :13
11) 2313 - Arrives Exxon Gas Station
11) 2316 - Departs - was there :03
12) 2318 - passing over Bayonne Bridge into Staten Island
13) 2323 - Arrives intersection of Goethals Road North & South Ave (Sunoco Gas Station)
13) 2328 - Departs - was there :05
14) 2330 - Arrives at wooded area of Forest Ave just South of Rt 278 overpass
14) 2347 - Departs - was there :17
15) 2348 - Arrives in a junkyard area (Adult Store) on Gulf Ave just North of Bloomfield Ave
15) 0138 - Departs - was there :50
16) 0148 - Arrives Getz Plaza
16) 0202 - Departs - was there :14
17) 0203 - Arrives Park & Ride Lot at end of Wainwright Ave
17) 0251 - Departs - was there :48
18) 0252 - Arrives home

I'm willing to bet he didn't go to work. Below are maps. First is a wide area, then maps and satellite views showing Staten Island and Jersey City.

Regarding the strange pattern of going over the Goethals and returning via the Bayonne. I think I figured it out. You see, when he's finished at the dirt lot near Exit 14B, he should just head home using the NJ Turnpike (back through 14B). Instead, he heads towards the Bayonne Bridge. Why? He makes two very quick stops after the dirt lot. Points 11 and 13. I believe he's retrieving cash, possibly in an envelope taped under a sink or toilet water lid. So it only makes sense then to continue over the Bayonne Bridge. I will verify this. I think he's transporting drugs and cash.

I used to think he was simply going over to buy drugs. I now see this is a big operation with several people involved, and it seems to run like clockwork. I'd love to monitor the phone calls and text. It's illegal, but I've got to access that. I'm wondering just how big this is. I hope I don't get killed doing the police departments work.

The dirt lot at #10 is no longer there. It's just weeds.

Todays emails - Jan 11 '10

2009-10-14T09:38:00.021-04:00

Today is Monday, January 11, 1010. Baloney head is actually at work. Here's an exchange we had today via email.

XX

(my name): Let me get this straight, first thing is you went to a funeral home on Nelson Ave and arranged things? Second you did not pay out anything right? The reason I am asking is that I know she really wants Colonial which is where we had dad. So it is her request, and that's where she will be brought then. You have almost 10K out of her money market acct? to pay for her funeral. (which I feel you should have left alone, and only used when it was necessary) I strongly feel we must obey her wishes which is Colonial Funeral Home on the Blvd. I will go with you only when she passes away to make arrangements. I have been there for her from day one and I will be there for her on her last need, ok? I will not go before to do anything. Lastly stop hiring lawyers and paying w moms money to review the deed to my house.

(Note at the end he writes "my house". Also note how important it is to follow her wishes regarding the funeral home, but it seems her wishes don't apply when it comes to the distribution of her assets).

ME

First of all, everything at my Yahoo email page is in German for some reason, so I'm having trouble with that. I clicked the wrong button and deleted this but was able to find it in the trash.

Nothing happened at Nelson Ave, only price estimates. Nothing paid out or contracts filled. Nothing. I don't care where the funeral is done. If you've got it all figured out, then that's enough for me. I just don't want a big commotion all of a sudden and if I'm away, you'll be on your own until I get back.

The lawyer was based on mom's OK to update her will. Since it was her will, she paid for the initial consultation. They said they had to get a copy of the deed and a copy of the previous will. Mom said to check with you before (her) signing anything, which I did. You shot it down, so that's that. Mom wouldn't have to leave the house by the way, they would go to her.

Regarding the $10K; I explained to mom long ago that you would inherit the house regardless of what her will says (since you told me long ago you're both on the deed). I told her there was no way I would ever get half of the *** St house (which amounts to $215K for each of us). I explained you could keep the house indefinitely tying up money I should have had. And based on the debt collectors phone calls, notes on her windshield and their personal appearances on the sidewalk asking for info, the house will probably have liens on it anyway. So, since I realistically will get zilch, she gave me $10K which I would have if she needed it (while alive) or if she never used it, I would keep it.

If you let mom update her will and do what should be done so "HER" wishes are complied with, then I'll put $10K towards the funeral. You can set it up yourself or you can continue with the lawyer I used. You can even be the executor. I just want my half of *** Street. The lawyer should be able to figure it out.

I'm trying to change my email by the way because this German stuff is driving me nuts. If you write back and it bounces back to you, that means Yahoo is fixing it or I had to close it and start over.

XX

The money that you should have had? The money you should have had? You in my opinion should not have anything, the money you should have had your motives speak of nothing but greed. You seem to have this sense of entitlement to the money, you have done nothing, and continue to do nothing for this poor woman in her last days. Amazing how you have the time to make to come down and see a lawyer though right (my name)? Couldn't make the time to help with dr's appts, or when she was in the hospital on the respirator right (my name). As for liens on the house, there aren't any , so there. Mom spoke with me this weekend about your actions and knows nothing of you going to see a lawyer, and what personal encounters are you talking about?

(Second email arrived immediately after this)

All I am trying to tell u is that she really wants to waked at Colonial

ME

Waked at Colonial. Fine.

As far as Dr. apts, etc. How many times did you arrange for me to take her? Sometimes I did it and other times you for some reason changed your mind and said you'd take her.

I saw the lawyer once and that was on a day that I visited mom. No special trip. If mom doesn't want to admit she knows about it, fine. Maybe she's afraid you'll have one of your outbursts like when she let the cat out and you made the pocket door go off the track.

Personal encounters? Well, actually one, but it was a few years ago. Some guy asking if I was you as I approached the house. Told him no and goodbye. If he was there then, he was probably there other times also.

As far as in the hospital on a respirator, I visited her on my own, not always with you. I visited once on my way to work and the Doctor very coldly asked me about taking her off the respirator to let her die. Like asking to take out the trash or something. Very cold.

XX

Whatever (my name), w/e is all I have to say to you. Just remember the time I had to call you after she was on a respirator for her third or forth day and had to call u to tell u to come down and see her, w/e. I am exhausted from you and your b/s. So that's all I have to say. EXCUSES, EXCUSES/EXCUSES. LIKE I SAID W/E,.

ME

what is w/e?

XX

Not a factor that mom does not want to admit anything, as you know her mental state is not the greatest, and is more preoccupied with the fact that she is dying of a horrible disease. Mom has told me that she has no idea of what u are talking about or why you did what you did, and at this stage of the game I will go more with her, as she would not lie to me. YOU on the other hand, MR. DISCONNECT YOUR PHONE NUMBERS, YOUR E MAIL ACCOUNTS, ETC are a different story. Remember that you stated in an e mail to me about four or five months ago, that you just want to find your REAL family?? Well time to start looking. W/E? FIGURE IT OUT. IF I decide to contact you I will, otherwise, adieu. How do you think your mom felt to say to me "XX, do you really think I want someone here that I have to ask to come visit me?" How do you think she felt having to admit that out loud? I am done arguing with you,enough is enough as Donna Summer would say. So that's it in a nutshell. Also how do you think your mother couldn't see you or her grandchildren on Christmas. How nice of you to treat her that way. I was with her on Thanksgiving and Christmas, I know she missed seeing you and the kids, and it can never be taken back (my name) NEVER!! How nice that that is how she had to spend her last holiday season. Alone, with her children arguing over garbage. Neither of us is perfect (although I am the closest)we each offer her something, but how sad she had to see this crud going on. I have asked you in previous e mails to let her leave in peace but no, you want to keep stirring it (my name).So you can keep stirring it, as I am leaving this issue and going onto the issue of taking care of Mom emotionally which is what she needs. So adios, enjoy your quiet solitude in the life away from family/society. All I was trying to get across to you is that we need to at least respect her wishes as to where she requested to be brought. That's it. Period, end of sentence. Now you can bring this correspondence to your lawyer for their review too. How's that grab you???

ME

Would love to have seen mom Thanksgiving and Christmas, but how could we all possibly be in the same room? If you went on your own to (someone's) house Christmas Eve, then we would have visited mom. Christmas Day was still an ice storm here and too dangerous to drive.

That reminds me. She has no problem making that big trip to (someone's), but MANY times when I suggest bringing the family down, her response is along the lines 'I don't think so, I'm tired'.

And Thanksgiving; you think we like sitting here alone eating turkey? I'd much prefer to be with mom. You have driven us away and out of the family.

January 12th

XX

I FIRST OF ALL have not driven you nowhere. YOU took it upon yourself to start staying away. Do you not understand where this is coming from. The amount of stress that I have been under is overwhelming to me at times. I would NEVER tell mom that I am not up to helping her. (my name), I walk in the door about 7, 7;30 at night, and I do not stop until about ten, maybe some nights as late as 10:30. I have been doing everything for her, everything, from getting her a simple glass of water because I see what a struggle and how out of breath she is from trying to do for herself. And yes for once I do agree w you that she does have no problem making it out to (someone's) for Christmas Eve. Those people mean the world to her, and she would love nothing more to see them and have a couple of drinks w them. Even though she wasn't supposed to have one drop of alcohol. One of the medications that she takes she can become violently ill if she has one drop of alcochol. She didn't care, she sat back and had her two glasses of wine. I know for a fact that we are too boring for her. She has said, you folks don't even like partying , she does not mean it in a bad way. Oh well we are who we are!!! As for bringing the kids down, she does not want them to see her this way. I understand why she feels that way and why she doesn't. Also she felt that her place was far from ready for Christmas, and she didn't want the kids to see nothing up or there . I felt terrible about that, but I had no time,no time at all to do it, I did what little I could do for her in terms of decorating for her. I felt horrible that she didn't have a tree up, but that stupid machine is where I would have put the tree.
So in closing all I have to say is that YOU are the one who opted to start staying away from your family, and enough is enough of this. I am sick of it all. The comments that mom has said to me about you and me would make you sick. She has said things that infuriate me,both about you and about me with the way we r acting. What a shame she has to see all this going on while she is ready to leave us. She has begged me for us to stop, and don't you think we should honor her wishes while she is still alive? I do!!

ME

Fine. For moms sake, we've made up and everything is peachy. She will think all is well. As far as my comment that you drove us away, that's because (my wife) and the kids (brats) are afraid of you, and to some degree you frighten me also. I don't know who you are.

So I can't bring my family down to see her if you're there. Like it or not, that's how it is. They would head out the door if you appeared. It's a shame they're so scared. (daughter) still sleeps on the floor in my room. Everyone has had bad dreams. I'm up many nights with stomach cramps, two hours just last night until 4AM. You don't realize the terror you inflicted that week in August. W/E (I figured out what it means).

Anyway, for mom, OK, all is well. I'll be calling her shortly.

******************************************************************************
So what this means is I keep the $10K and he handles the funeral (which should be interesting). Then I'll take that $10K to hire a lawyer to contest the will or whatever happens since the will is voided. He has no money for a lawyer and is in no position to fight me.

I had to laugh where he writes he's up to 10:30 sometimes. I was tempted to write back that he wouldn't be so tired of he wasn't running around New Jersey and Staten Island until 3AM. Pretty obvious at the end he's trying to diffuse the situation. I thought he said adios to me earlier.

I put brats in brackets there in my response to him because that's how he's referred to them lately. And we are indeed scared, not just because of August, but because we now know he's trafficking in drugs as well as using drugs. A dangerous situation I think.

A turn of events?

2009-10-14T09:36:00.000-04:00

It's morning January 14th, 2010. To briefly recap where we stand; my mother has no savings account, $107 in checking and her credit card has a balance of $1,200 with $800 available. She's in hospice care and while we don't know how much longer she has, we know it's not much. I have also shown that my brother is under a mountain of debt and he wiped my mom out (financially) to support what I believe is a drug addiction.

I know he can't support his addiction and normal life (mortgage, shopping and bills) on his income alone which now leads to a dilemma (since her money's gone). If all his money goes to drugs, what happens to the bills? If he pays the bills, what happens to his drugs? Here's the answer. He can't pay any bills and he also can't buy all the drugs he needs. So I now have on my hands a guy about to lose electricity, cable TV, etc., and he's going to have some level of withdrawal.

So this morning I start getting text messages from him in which he's laying the groundwork for his next move. He's telling me he's very sick and he thinks his heart is being a problem again (almost died of heart failure June '07). He's thinking of sending my mom to a nursing home.

What he's really saying is he no longer has money to house and feed her and pay for her electricity, cable, etc. He has to get rid of her. I see a couple of problems. Unless hospice can do something quickly, a person doesn't just suddenly pack up and go to a nursing home. Additionally, he's going to have to sell the house or let the bank do it. It all take's time, and I don't think he has time. He somehow has to pay for a nursing home.

I'll have to figure out the different scenarios that could take place and plan for each one.

Update for Feb 1, 2010

2009-10-14T09:34:00.007-04:00

At the bottom is a report of a couple more drive's, all of which are similar to the one I previously discussed. The point #'s refer to the maps I showed on the page 'XX Goes For a Drive'. I won't bother listing drives anymore since we all have the idea. Again, happens every few nights.

I visited my mom the other day and she received two phone calls that interested me. One was AT&T looking for $81 they were owed. The other was someone asking what Hospice Group she was using. I'm guessing they also are owed money, but perhaps the service can't be canceled if the person is in hospice care. So they want proof.

Because he's run her account as low as $28, he's using up the credit card. It has an available balance now of $157. He must be sweating bullets waiting for her social security money to arrive. Not that it's going to help much. He was counting on her being dead by now. Oh well!

Some more drives:

1) 2213 - Arrives vicinity of 183 Bayview Ave (Sacred Heart Church, point #9)
1) 2232 - Departs - was there :19
2) 2253 - Arrives intersection of Goethals Road North & South Ave (Sunoco Gas Station, point #13)
2) 2259 - Departs - was there :06
3) 2302 - Arrives in a junkyard area (Adult Store) on Gulf Ave just North of Bloomfield Ave (point #15)
3) 0102 - Departs - was there 2:00
4) 0112 - Arrives Park & Ride Lot at end of Wainwright Ave (point #17)
4) 0129 - Departs - was there :17
5) 0130 - Arrives home

Then another time:

1) 2200 - Arrives Kmart lot (point #5, but not ATM machine)
1) 2245 - Departs - was there :45
2) 2249 - Arrives Park & Ride Lot at end of Wainwright Ave (point #17)
2) 2252 - Departs - was there :03
3) 2254 - Arrives home

Next Day:

1) 2158 - Arrives vicinity of 183 Bayview Ave (Sacred Heart Church, point #9)
1) 2216 - Departs - was there :18
2) 2218 - Arrives side of road (Caven Point Road just West of Bayview Ave, point #10)
2) 2220 - Departs - was there :02
3) 2222 - Arrives - intersection of Linden Ave & Rt 185 (see map below)
3) 2236 - Departs - was there :14
4) 2247 - Arrives intersection of Goethals Road North & South Ave (Sunoco Gas Station, point #13)
4) 2300 - Departs - was there :13
5) 2302 - Arrives at wooded area of Forest Ave just South of Rt 278 overpass (point #14)
5) 2311 - Departs - was there :09
6) 2312 - Arrives in a junkyard area (Adult Store) on Gulf Ave just North of Bloomfield Ave (point #15)
6) 0144 - Departs - was there 2:32
7) 0144 to 0152 - drives around the block a couple of times looking for the next stop. Briefly stops to make phone call to check. Then finally finds the remote location arriving at 0152. See map below. Must be tough when you're doped up.
7) 0214 - departs - was there :22
8) 0227 - Arrives home.

I just have to add that he was back out at 0845. Kind of a short night. Don't drug addicts/dealers sleep?

Here's the map of where he was driving around (7 above):

Negative $647 and other news

2009-10-14T09:32:00.009-04:00

Today is Feb 24, 2010

If you work at Chase bank, I'd love to hear from you. How Chase can have a blind eye to this accounts wild activity is beyond me. How do you people run a bank? Here's the latest screen shot of my mothers account:

(Remember you can click on the image to enlarge. Use your back button to return.)

So she's at negative $647. When the hell will Chase do something? How negative can he go? Idiots! By the way, you'll see Bolla on the 16th. That's the Sunoco gas station (drug run stop) in Staten Island by the Goethals bridge (stop #13 on the page 'XX Goes for a Drive').

OK, got that off my chest. The other day, I find XX may have fractured some ribs "falling on ice". Sounds fishy to me. If a person slips (he's 46 years old), they usually break an arm or hurt their wrist. How do you fracture ribs? I think the numb nuts got roughed up a bit or he was doped up and while standing, passed out. I don't know how you fall on your ribs without putting your arms out to protect yourself.

And check out this text he sends me out of the blue (recall he sent a text not too long ago saying he was thinking of putting her in a home):

March 3rd, 2010 update

2009-10-14T09:30:00.005-04:00

AT&T is still calling my mom looking for a bill to be paid.

XX called last night (3/2) because he thinks I did something to the Social Security electronic deposit. He was expecting it to go in on Monday, the 1st. Recall my mother was negative $647, so he's sweating. So I acted dumb and to really get him going, suggested perhaps Social Security ends when you turn 85 (she just had a birthday). That must have really got his heart rate up because he called a cousin who works at the SSA and she explained deposits happen on the 3rd. Idiot. If he looked at the bank statements, he'd see that. He's on thin ice, and he knows it.

OK, I want you to see what out of control finances looks like:

April 9, 2010 update

2009-10-14T09:28:00.005-04:00

MONEY UPDATE

Using the math from the page where I calculate how much is missing, here's where we stand:

If she's paying all bills, she should now have $23,729
If she's paying full amount on her bills and splitting shared bills, she should have $39,857
If this where done my way and he supported her like most people support a family, she would have $50,903

What she has in the bank as of today, Apr 9th, 2010 is $504.71.

So her account is short either $22,225, 39,353 or $50,399.

OTHER NEWS

She's getting weaker. XX is getting worried he won't be able to get me when she dies. He wants a phone number or some way to reach me at work; as if I can snap my fingers and be there.

He continues on his late night drives. The driver window is stuck down. I wish something major would break.

April 15th note-Kind of off track here, but my wife learned her mom has a a short time to live. So we're heading out to buy luggage for a trip. We're dreading this coming week.

April 30 2010 update

2009-10-14T09:26:00.009-04:00

In the last post, I mentioned my mother-in-law had a week to live. She lived nine days and passed away on April 22, 2010. My wife and I flew out for the funeral and spent the week. During a break on the day of the funeral, I called my mom (I call every day if I can). She was upset as she had no cable TV and her other phone was not working. I guess someone didn't pay the bill.

Since I don't want XX to know anything about my life, she doesn't know about the passing of my mother-in-law. She's always asking how she's doing, so I just say she's OK and in good hands. I also don't want XX bothering me more than necessary, so even though I may be off or on vacation, I keep up the routine of going to work. When I called my mom from the funeral, I'd normally be heading out of the country, so as usual, I told her that I'm off to Costa Rica and I'd call in two days. And so I can turn my phone off for two days and not worry about hearing from XX. I love turning the phone off.

I went to visit yesterday and found five violation letters from EZpass. I normally leave them, but this time I took them. Here's an image of one of them.

EZpass doesn't know XX even exists. They are going after my mom and since she doesn't drive, it doesn't matter if they suspend her driving privileges. The fines mean nothing also which is why he can ignore these notices.

Here's the latest screen shot of her checking account. As far as the credit card, it's slightly over the limit thanks to him not making a payment and incurring a $39 fee.

Another drive adventure

2009-10-14T09:24:00.008-04:00

I know I said I wouldn't bother showing you more of his drives, but I'm showing this just to show nothing has changed, although he seems to drive in a way to shake off anyone following him (sudden reversal of direction).

First I'm showing an overview in which I highlighted in red to show the routes. Remember you can click to enlarge the images and use the back arrow to return.

Let us begin:

29 Apr 2010

2242 (10:42 PM)-leaves home
2244-arrives Greenwood Plaza
2247-departs (was there :03)
2249-arrives home
2251-departs (was there :02)
2256-arrives at stores on Arthur Kill Road
2302-departs (was there :06)
2317-enters the New Jersey Turnpike at Exit 13
2327-Exits the Turnpike at Exit 15W
2328-makes U turn and re-enters the turnpike Northbound

2334-Exits the Turnpike at 16W. Continues North
2338-Exits at Palisades Park Eastbound
2339-Reverses direction on Grand Ave (Rt 93) and now Westbound on Rt 46

2341-Back on NJ Turnpike Southbound
2342-Joins Eastern Spur of the Turnpike Southbound
2346-Enters Exit 16E
2353-takes Exit 14 Westbound on Rt 78
2355-reverses direction and now Eastbound on Rt 78

2357-re-enters the turnpike at Exit 14
2359-heading East over Newark Bay Bridge

30 Apr 2010

0003-exits turnpike at 14B
0007-arrives at the Sacred Heart Church location (Bayview Ave)
0017-departs (was there :10)
0019-arrives few blocks away in vicinity of Ocean Ave & Bidwell Ave. Appears to have made three stops.
0112-departs the area (was there :53). Then heads North to Johnston Ave & Philip St for another course reversal.

0128-crossing Bayonne Bridge into Staten Island
0135-arrives at building next door (North) to the adult shop(Night Caps)
0225-departs (was there :50)
0229-arrives intersection of Chelsea Rd & Edward Curry Ave. Spends time all over and in front of TD Bank.
0304-departs TD Bank area (was there :35) and heads North on Glen St.
0307-arrives at Sunoco gas station
0315-departs (was there :08). Now Southbound on South Ave.
0318-arrives back at the Edward Curry Ave area

0331-departs (was there :13). Heading North on Glen St (again). Then swings onto South Ave Southbound.
0338-arrives back at the Edward Curry Ave area
0343-departs (was there :05). Going South on South Ave.
0352-arrives at Park & Ride by Wainwright Ave
0401-departs (was there :09)
0404-arrives home

--B R E A K--

1103-leaves home and appears to go to the diner at Richmond Ave & Gurley Ave
1105-arrives at diner
1127-departs (was there :22)
1129-arrives home

--B R E A K--

02 May 2010

0220-leaves home
0231-passing the Sunoco station
0233-arrives in front of National Grid (North of the Night Caps adult shop)
0238-departs (was there :05). Then heads down to the adult shop area.
0304-departs (was there :26)
0305-on Edward Curry Ave
0351-departs (was there :46). Then North on Glen St
0354-drives by Sunoco
0355-Southbound on South Ave to Travis Ave
0405-arrives home

--B R E A K--

1958-leaves home
2010-arrives near 210 Huguenot Ave
2027-departs (was there :17)
2031-driving though small group of stores (Woodrow Rd & Rossville Ave)

2035-arrives at stores-Amboy Rd & Seguine Ave
2040-departs (was there :05)
2042-on Richmond Pkwy (Rt 440) Westbound
2044-Crossing the Outerbridge into New Jersey
2055-arrives at Macaroni Grill (Rt 1 South near Menlo Park Mall). A regular stop.
2215-departs (was there 1:20)
2226-crossing back into Staten Island over the Outerbridge
2233-arrives neat 210 Huguenot Ave
2243-departs (was there :10)
2252-arrives home

Here's some photos of Edward Curry Ave and surrounding area in daylight. Try to picture it at 2 in the morning:

Nursing Home Today

2009-10-14T09:22:00.001-04:00

It's May 13th, 2010. She's in no condition to be home, so she was put into a nursing home today. They want financial statements for the last five years. I wonder if anyone will figure out what has been going on. XX sent a text and I quote "what should i do can i write checks frm her acct? i have the settlement bill frm gas co 2 pay mom can never b hot enuf at least tht will stop. hopefully bills will b more reasonable w o her in house u think?"

I felt like telling him that, duh, you've been writing checks for years. So anyway, I guess I won't be going to the house anymore. It's all his. I suspect he'll take over her part. Until she dies, he'll have to keep paying all the bills. Of course the nursing home will take ALL of my mother's income. So XX has to live on $1,500 less every month. This should be very interesting.

We're Free!

2009-10-14T09:20:00.007-04:00

Today is May 17th, 2010. My mom died last night about 1:10 AM. Thank you God for finally calling her home. No one should have to suffer the way she did and especially for so long. I pray she's reunited with my dad and all the others who have already passed. So she's free. I'm free also.

Update-Later in the day now (late morning). XX was too numb to make funeral arrangements, so he went to the funeral home at which I had made arrangements. He was OK with everything I planned, so that's good. He actually liked the casket I picked. All is set.

Update-May 18th-XX was supposed to meet a funeral director to drop of hair coloring or something last night and clothes for her to wear. The man waited over two hours and XX didn't show up. Meanwhile, XX was not responding to my text messages. I can't leave a voice message as his message box is full. Now this morning (18th), even the Church is calling and can't reach him. The funeral home needs information and long story short, no one can contact him. I mean, I'm even calling my moms land line and it's busy.

So I call my moms former neighbor and ask her to go to the house to see if he's there. 20 minutes later, she calls and tells me she can't get in the house because a chair is propped up against the door knob. She sounds very scared. I told her to call the police.

The police show up and they find him in bed. He crashed but they got him up. I guess they wanted to take him to the hospital or something, but the neighbor explained that his mother just died and all that. So the police left. Can you imagine this? I mean, you just can't make this stuff up!

Update-May 19th-we buried her today. My youngest daughter was extremely ill as soon as we arrived at the funeral home. So she was tied up in the bathroom with my wife for awhile. She settled down but stayed in the foyer. My wife said her heart was pounding at the thought of seeing XX and my oldest daughter was filled with anger about having to be in the same building with him. I was pretty much alone with the guests in the room where my mom was.

No one realizes that I'm the only reason she even had a funeral. So what's next? I have no plans to go to the house to save anything. Normally, I'd want to save some items of sentimental value but now, they would only remind me of the most painful period of my life. I'll keep my phone only as long as he doesn't aggravate me. Once I'm annoyed, I can ditch the phone and never have to deal with him again. Of course I'm also out of the family as that's the only way to be free of him. The family has no idea what's going on.

Now is it a crime?

2009-10-14T09:18:00.003-04:00

Well, she died on May 17, 2010 and was buried on the 19th. Here's a neat trick:

Losing the house (and my inheritance)

2009-10-14T09:16:00.010-04:00

Today is June 14, 2010

I thought I'd go to Borough Hall where records are kept regarding liens and judgments. My findings are below. As you'll see, the only new items since I last did this is the lien/judgements from Citimortgage; yep, the wheels are in motion. I called the law firm, but they don't want to hear from anyone except any parties directly involved. I don't meet the definition.

So it seems to me the house will go into foreclosure and that's the end of my portion whatever should have been my inheritance. I wonder what my folks would say if they saw their life's savings and sacrifice go down the toilet like this.

Here's the latest action from EZpass which shows all his Jersey City trips. It seems to me they finally revoked his privilages, so I think he's using cash now. BB is where he crosses over the Bayonne Bridge back to Staten Island. 14B is the Exit for Jersey City.

Finally, here's the latest from the checking account. He withdrew $40 after she died. He just made an inquiry (for $2):

June 21, 2010 Update

2009-10-14T09:14:00.004-04:00

I saw him last week and mentioned the house was in foreclosure. He acted like that was news to him. He looks terrible. He's been texting about his poor health and this morning he even called. I'm playing along, acting sympathetic. In a way (deep down), I am sympathetic and want to show compassion, but I've been hurt by him and it's made me a cold person I guess. Here's a text he sent June 19th: 'breathing getting veryhard for me tonight maybe i will call ambulance what do i do about dog? Somebody pls help guide m Somebody Pls tell me what to do".

Laying it on kinda thick there, don't you think? He just now sent an email to (I believe) a cousin, but sent it to me by accident. It reads 'Heard from **** I think he is starting to feel some guilt now". You can guess how I feel about that. I can only guess what he tells the family; probably that I twisted her arm to be Power of Attorney and then I took her money and that's why she was in such sorry shape.

The house is looking rough. The grass was up to my knees. There are papers lying at the front door. The neighbors must be thrilled.

Here's a couple of photos from my moms part of the house. It was looking bad.

You will NOT believe this

2009-10-14T09:10:00.002-04:00

It's about 9:50 PM here on the East coast on Wednesday, June 30, 2010.

This morning I had a text from XX that he was in the hospital with heart trouble. Said he'd probably be out in a few days. Just checked my phone and two missed calls and two voice mails.

Hospital trying to get me and it's an emergency. Seems he died at 7:30 PM. Can't make this stuff up.

So what now? Take out a loan for another funeral, or just don't claim the body? What about the house? Half a million bucks of real estate going into foreclosure and I have no say in it. Just leave it abandoned?

Really can't believe all that has happened recently, or during the last year for that matter. Incredible. A death every month.

Drugs Confirmed & Other Info

2009-10-14T09:08:00.046-04:00

It's July 1st, 2010.

My wife and I went down today to make his final arrangements. We used the same funeral home as for my mother last month. The body will be picked up at the hospital and brought to a crematorium. That's it. No notice in the paper as his crackhead friends might find out. No sense advertising this. His ashes went to a cousin.

After that, we stopped by the house to look for any important papers or anything else we might want. Neither of us had been upstairs in many years. I'm showing the following photos to not only show you the drug paraphernalia, but for you to see what drugs can do. These photos were taken before we moved anything. Research indicates he probably used crystal meth and if money was tight, crack cocaine. We also found odd household items near the glass tubes/pipes which are used when money is tight, such as dishwasher detergent and windex (From one website: Other additives found in cocaine have included chalk, caffeine, laundry detergent, baby laxatives, meat tenderizers and rat poison). From a website about this subject:

"In addition to the usual risks associated with cocaine use (constricted blood vessels; increased temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure; and risk of cardiac arrest and seizure), crack users may experience acute respiratory problems, including coughing, shortness of breath, and lung trauma and bleeding. Crack cocaine smoking also can cause aggressive and paranoid behavior."

That explains the coughing up blood (found a bowl of it in his living room) and heart trouble not to mention his strange behavior (remember the blog page where I wrote he wanted to know who I was texting while the hospice nurse was there?).

He was so wrapped up in drugs, he lived in a pig pen; animal (cat) waste all over the place. The stench was something else (thought it was cat urine at first, but just saw on a message board that meth smells like that). We saw drug pipes and butane tanks all over the place; we also saw lot's of 'coupons' for something and tons of very small plastic bags & envelopes. For those concerned about his dog and cat, we have found someone to take them.

By the way, at the bottom is something to show you that right up to the end, he was still trying to use my mom's credit. Many years ago, I placed a freeze with all the credit agencies to prevent that sort of activity.

You'll see lot's of mail all over the place.We took anything that wasn't 'junk' mail and brought it home; hundreds of letters, most NOT opened. I'll sort them by sender and sub-sort by date. By finding the oldest letters, maybe I'll get a better idea when this started. We have to wear latex gloves or work gloves and shoes (no flip flops) to enter the house.

I was able to log into my moms EZpass account and see the last two years of activity. His driving starts off slow (on her account anyway), picks up steam, then boy he went wild when he gained access to her savings account (summer of '09).

UPDATE July 2nd-it took us about nine to ten hours to go through the mail. Here is what we found:

-The vast majority of mail was from 2006 through present day.
-Almost none of it was opened.
-In our opinion, the (heavy/serious) drug use probably started in 2005.
-My mother had a suspended license because she had no auto insurance. Her car is not insured.
-My brother had a suspended license for a long time as his auto insurance expired.
-The house was in foreclosure in 2007.
-EZ pass violations show drug runs continued around my moms funeral and as recent as June 20th.
-Found a EZ pass report in my mothers name showing drug runs January 2008.
-Found a EZ pass report in his name showing a drug run January 2006.-There was a boatload of letters from law firms, especially around 2007 when he was hospitalized.
-Discovered he had two checking accounts with a insurance/financial institution. The transactions are similar to what we've seen at my mothers accounts (see below). Seems like he burned through about $25K during a two and a half year period. I think he transferred the money from his 401K. I no longer care about details, but this a lot of money in addition to his other funds.
-After my mom was put in the nursing home, I gave him the key to her safe of important papers. He obviously opened the safe. What I found today was his adoption documents with his birth name and other details. I don't think he ever saw it. I thought that was sad.
-From pay stubs, it seems he was grossing about $80K a year. He was assistant vice-president. Whatever he took home mostly went to drugs. Add his salary to what he stole and you'll see he spent a large amount on drugs.
-While it's no secret he was homosexual, I've regretfully discovered more than I care to know about. I believe his sexual activities contributed to his troubles and perhaps, indirectly, his death.
-Discovered he had a 3rd name he used. He used the name 'Adam' on this ID card I found:

-Here's an award from 1991. I think he could have gone far.

(Remember you can click to enlarge photos; use back button to return).

*****Here's the other account he had. Note he's making big withdrawals up to three days before he died. He told a friend he had to visit his cousin to give him some money. So the friend (unknowingly) drove him to his dealer. I think he bought five bags. We found two full bags, so he used three bags during this day and the next (then he went to hospital). *****

*****These first four photos where taken May 4, 2010. In the shock of actually going into his area, I didn't take new photos. You get the idea though.*****

*****And now to the present day.*****

*****Above is part of the kitchen. You'll see the edge of the dog cage on the left. This was bad. The urine soaked all the way to the ceiling downstairs. The floor will need to be replaced, and I don't mean just the linoleum. Below is what I found (a week later) after I ripped up some linoleum that was under the cage. The reddish part under the chisel is the only part where I removed linoleum. The rest is the floor. Try to imagine the smell.*****

*****You'll see a red bucket on the table. It had blood in it; he probably coughed up into it. Below, notice the TV is on. That's how we found it.*****

*****Notice the Windex*****

*****For some reason, he took a photocopy of his old drivers license and taped it to his Bally's membership card. Haven't found an actual license.*****

****Found several of these glass tubes so far*****

*****On the table we found Easter dinner. It looked pretty bad.*****

*****I have no idea what drug is in the bag.*****

*****Above is one pile of baggies. Below is another pile (in a drawer next to his bed). When you add these with other piles we found plus all the ones just laying loose on the floor, there were hundreds. At $100 per baggie, it's easy to see he spent a lot of money. And why did he not throw them away?*****

*****Found hundreds of these coupons in bags. No idea what they're for.*****

*****Found in my moms car.*****

*****Found in his section of the house.*****

*****I destroyed all this stuff and threw it away (found more as we cleaned out the place). There are two full bags in the blue bag. We found (empty) little baggies all over the place (each baggie cost about $100). I flushed them. Below is a better view of the full bags.*****

*****OK, now he had a big parrot called a African Grey. In 2006 he said it died. You think he would have disposed of it. All that's left now is a bunch of features. We couldn't believe this, so we stirred it up a bit with a stick which explains why there's paper on top of it.*****

*****He had a cat. The poop was all over; you'll see it embedded in the carpet in the third photo down. It was also in the hall.*****

*****Looking at the bathroom above, it didn't appear he took a shower in recent history (in this bathroom anyway); no soap, towels, etc. Below; counterfeit money? YES! Believe it or not, these bills PASSED the marker test. Very high quality fakes. I shredded all.*****

Final Thoughts

2009-10-14T09:06:00.004-04:00

July 1, 2010

I used to dream that when XX died, I would throw a party and celebrate. I pictured myself tossing his ashes into my septic tank. Boy, was I wrong. I feel very sad right now.

His life this last year must have been horrendous, a living hell; trying to hold down a job, running around all the time with his drug addiction, dealing with his poor health and watching our mother get closer to death. I know he loved her very much and her death was very hard on him. Did he want me to help? Is there something else I could have done? Was I there for him? I feel like I let him in down in some way. The thing is, he never knew why I acted the way I did towards him. He never knew why my family hated him (we were terrified of him).

We wanted to visit with my mom on her last birthday, but everyone was understandably nervous he'd be there. We took a chance and went. To my families relief, he never came down. What made an impression on me was he put out the paper plates and forks for us before we arrived. I wonder what he was thinking; how he felt about the situation as he stayed upstairs. Another time, he did come down, with his dog, maybe using him as an ice breaker. My oldest daughter immediately stormed out. He just thought we all hated him I guess. He didn't know we knew about his life. In hindsight, I wish I didn't know anything about what was going on. Maybe then I would have been nicer to him.

He took my mom to see her friends almost every Saturday and had to stay while she ate with her friends. That was very important to my mother. He took her to many doctor appointments and sat in waiting rooms with her. He went shopping for her. He tried his best to make it all work. Can you imagine if he wasn't addicted to drugs?

Please, please if you're in this situation, see if there's someway to get the person to treatment. In hindsight, since I identified him as a problem and hindrance to my moms care, I should have searched for a way to help him.

I prayed so hard for him and my mother. I asked for help and guidance. I forgive him. I hope God, in His infinite mercy and love, will also forgive him. The poor kid didn't know what he was doing. His life ended tragically at a young age. I regret I couldn't save him.

Summary - Highlights - Solutions

2009-10-13T03:23:00.020-04:00

SUMMARY

As of 1986, I have a mother and father living in a two story home. XX (my brother the thief) is renting and working in the city. I'm flying around New England.

In 1987, my father passes away.

My mother is doing just fine on her own until 2001. My mother decides to sell the family home (can no longer handle stairs). Proceeds go into a new home for her and XX (she'll live downstairs). Both names are on the deed (house worth over $500K) and XX takes a mortgage on the balance.

Also in 2001, I move my family about two hours away.

In 2001 she nearly dies due to respiratory arrest. She slowly recovers. XX probably starts opening her mail and writing checks from her account to pay her bills.

Over the next several years, my mothers health deteriorates. She's hospitalized again for respiratory arrest. Her vision is suffering due to macular degeneration.

Also during these years, XX gets into debt. I have no idea why or how much. All I know is one or more debt collectors are after him (phone calls to mothers phone, notes on car wiper, personal appearances and of course mail).

About 2006, he's going with some guy. Maybe it's early 2007 they break-up. I think the other guy's involved.

Oct 2006 - my mothers accounts are frozen by debt collectors because XX was also on the accounts. She clears it up, and opens new accounts without his name. Meanwhile, his own accounts are probably frozen as well and he may not have accounts now. As time goes on (my mother becoming blind), XX will start paying his bills from her account. He signs her name on checks.

Dec 2006 - I deposit $15K into my moms savings account from stocks I found (from my father).

July 2007 - XX in hospital with mysterious heart problem. Almost kills him. I'm appointed Power of Attorney for my mother. I don't worry about XX because he can only access the small amount of money passing through her checking account. From here on, my mother is blind. XX is opening all her mail, writing out checks (signing her name) and using her credit and ATM cards.

Also in July, with him in the hospital, I'm able to see a credit card statement and I don't like what I see (buying things for himself, carrying a balance & paying interest and paying late fees). I lower the credit limit from $17,700 to $4,000 to prevent further damage.

Early 2009 - three financial institutions that my mother uses merge together (banking, insurance and credit card). With a new ATM card, XX has access to my mothers savings account.

July 2009? - I discover XX has an alias name (AKA Tom Crown).

Aug 2009 - I discover $4K has disappeared from her savings in a few months. I close the account.

Aug 2009 - I come face to face with Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Due to concern for my mothers well-being (and my safety), I give the money from the closed account back, depositing into her checking account. I also open a new credit card to replace one I closed.

Oct 2009 - her account is missing money. I estimate that a minimum of $15K is missing and the actual figure is probably well over $20K. I discover he has at least $30K in court judgments outstanding. I'm informed his drivers license is suspended and he has a new one using the alias Tom Crown.

Nov 2009-based on discussions with the bank and my mother, I discovered that my mother does NOT have her debit card in her possession. She THINKS she has it, but in fact it's a credit card. XX has the debit card.

Nov 2009-XX now making mortgage payments from her account. As of 22 Nov 09, her account is missing anywhere from $19K to $43K (depending on how I calculate her spending). She's now down to $5,500.

Dec 2009-XX is searching for me on the internet. Will not agree to have a lawyer re-work the will & deed so we split things as my mother intends.

Dec 2009- just to recap, I tried telling the following people, and I bombed out:New York City Police, FBI, Chase Bank, Adult Protective Services, MetLife, Wachovia Bank.

Dec 29-Discovered he's (likely) a drug addict and buying the drugs in Jersey City. She's down to $1,016. He has stolen in the neighborhood of $43K.

Jan 2010 - after tracking a long and late night journey, I believe he's transporting drugs and/or money between various locations involving Jersey City, Bayonne and Staten Island. Still can't confirm anything, but something big is going on involving a lot of people.

Jan 19 - She's down to $51.

February 24th - She's down to ($647); that's negative $647.

April 22, 2010 - mother-in-law dies.

May 17, 2010 - My mom dies.

June 14, 2010 - XX hasn't been paying the mortgage. Account is now in the hands of a law firm that deals with foreclosure. My parents money going down the toilet.

June 30, 2010 - XX dies.

HIGHLIGHTS

XX is probably a drug addict and trafficking drugs and money
XX will not let me pay the bills. He will not sit down for all of us to talk.
XX and mother (now deceased) are both on the deed (house worth over $500K).
XX opens her mail.
XX can't pay bills on time. Cable and electricity have both been been shut down at least once.
XX is signing her name to her checks, some made to cash.
XX is freely using her credit and ATM cards (he has her debit card always, but she thinks she has it. He fooled her.)
XX is paying his bills (including mortgage as of Nov 09), some exorbitant in my opinion, from her account.
XX has an alias name, used to fraudulently obtain a new drivers license and perhaps other government ID's/financial accounts.
XX is driving with a suspended license. Someone should pull the records/photos from EZpass.
XX may have used his position as a credit officer (financial/insurance company) to steal or use another persons identity.
XX is pursued by debt collectors and a New York City Marshal.
XX has at least $30K in judgments against him.
XX may have mental illness, perhaps bipolar or he's affected by drugs/medication. In any event, he's unstable (my opinion).
XX house in foreclosure

QUESTIONS and OBSERVATIONS

Here's some problems people in my predicament have to face:

-parent won't press charges
--fear of retribution
--feeling of guilt to send a child to jail
--feeling of guilt that the thief may lose his/her job
--maybe depends on the thief
--simply incompetent
-lack of evidence
--the abuse may be obvious, but getting proof is difficult
-fear of alerting authorities
--what if the thief is free to harass, terrorize or harm the reporter
--all accounts will be disrupted. They'll need to be closed and new ones opened.
--fear that the family may turn against the reporter and/or believe the reporter is after money for themselves
-fear of taking action as Power of Attorney
--the reality that closing accounts & redirecting mail will make the thief very angry and the parent will be caught in the crossfire.
--the situation is more difficult when the thief lives with the parent. An angry thief can make life miserable for the parent, who is simply trapped.
--it's possible the Power of Attorney will feel guilty causing the thief to lose his/her job and/or go to jail

SOLUTIONS

It must be understood that:

-Elder financial abuse is a form of identity theft (should be treated as such).
-Elders may not be aware someone is stealing from them.
-Elders may be reluctant to report theft or suspicious financial activities.
-Elders may be reluctant to assist authorities in the apprehension and conviction of the thief.
-Elders may be financially incompetent.
-a Power of Attorney may also be reluctant to report theft or suspicious financial activities
-for both the elderly victim and POA, the fear of retribution from the thief is real (especially if the thief is a drug addict or involved in other criminal behavior).

Unless the elder opts out, the new banking procedures are effective six weeks after the death of a spouse IF the surviving spouse is 65 years of age or older. That gives time for bank notification and a chance for the elder to opt out. The funeral home will notify banks OR banks will discover event from another source, such as the filing of a death certificate.

The new banking procedures are always effective when a surviving spouse (65 or older) appoints a Power of Attorney.

    -After Power of Attorney document is signed, the lawyer or notary public WILL send a copy to:

            * US Post office. Elders mail is then re-directed to POA.
            * Credit agencies; to be watchful.
            * Banks in order to implement new procedures.

Opt out procedures (when there is no Power of Attorney):

        -the elder may opt out during the calendar month prior to their 65th birthday and subsequent birthdays.
        -opt out expires on the elders following birthday. The elder again has a one month window to opt out prior to his/her next birthday.
        -opt out requires meeting with a bank representative.
        -elder can opt back in at any time without meeting a bank representative.
        -elder NOT permitted to opt out if a Power of Attorney is appointed.

Bank procedures to be implemented are (if elder does not opt out OR they have appointed a Power of Attorney):

1) auto-bill pay can be set up only through a bank representative (not online). The representative must be alert to suspicious activity. The bill to be paid must be in the name of the account holder (elder). If the payment amount changes, the new amount must be furnished to a bank representative. Prevents the thief from paying his/her own bills from the elders account.

2) outside companies/businesses can no longer directly debit bank accounts and credit cards. Elder or POA MUST write a check. Prevents thief from utilizing the elders subscribed services (such as cable TV or EZpass) with those charges being paid by the elder without the elders knowledge and/or consent. Also prevents thief from using the elders account to pay his/her bills. If POA is the thief, leaves a nice paper trail.

3) signature on checks and deposits MUST match a signature on file at the bank or on the Power of Attorney document. Prevents the forging of elders checks and cashing checks made out to the elder. Theft is limited to POA.

4) ATM withdrawals must be limited to either a historical average or set by the elder (perhaps $200 in any seven day period). To withdraw any additional monies shall require meeting a bank representative. Prevents an easy and common method of theft. Will also slow the rate of theft.

5) checks made out to cash are NOT allowed. Prevents an easy and common method of theft.
6) a check from the elders account can NOT be used to pay the bill of another person. Prevents thief from paying his/her own bills from the elders account.

7) credit & debit card purchases must have a signature match. NO use of PIN allowed. Prevents anyone other than the account holder from using the card.

8) the use of a credit/debit card for a purchase utilizing the internet, telephone or mail is NOT permitted (must write a check). Prevents the thief from making a purchase using those cards.

9) when an adult parent (of any age) enters into a real estate transaction with his/her child, a lawyer must inquire as to the wishes (in the will) of the parent. If the lawyer determines the parent wants property divided, then they must structure the deed so that can happen OR the parent should disburse any funds (inheritance) at the time. Prevents the elder from unknowingly giving all their money to the thief through a deed.

-Banks shall provide training to employees as to indicators of financial abuse and reporting.
-Banks must be alert to a sudden and dramatic change in transactions and/or phone inquires.
-Banks should maintain records of all activity on suspect accounts including photos from ATM transactions.
-Police shall have officers specially trained to review any reports of suspected financial abuse.
-if a Power of Attorney has been appointed, he/she MUST make a quarterly report or accounting of transactions to a third party (lawyer, accountant or bank). The third party may require more frequent reports. The POA must keep receipts for all purchases, even cash.

ANYONE should be able (perhaps required) to contact authorities if they're suspicious about financial transactions. Law enforcement WILL investigate any reports of suspected financial abuse.

NOW SOME QUESTIONS & COMMENTS

I'm sure the bank would be very unhappy to hear he's signing her checks. I'm not sure what would happen if they pulled the ATM tapes. What about all the recent transactions at other banks? It's as if he's trying to be evasive.

The bank tells me she has only one card. XX has it at all times and uses it without her express authorization. I know this because when she needs money, she gives him what she thinks is her debit card (a decoy; it's a credit card). She tells me he returns and gives the card back. Therefore, all other transactions are illegal.

When she dies, the house is his ($500K+). It wouldn't surprise me if someone puts a lien on it.

In my state, since he's living in the same house with her, doesn't he need his own insurance? I doubt he has any. I think he's driving around thinking he's OK as my mother has auto insurance.

Would the IRS be interested in the money he's spending like it's his?

Can XX get fired from his job? He told the hospice nurse he's a credit officer. Wouldn't that give him access to sensitive information? Could he be an identity thief? Did he use his position to create his alias? His supervisor might be interested.

Does the use of the alias name suggest criminal activity? How does one get an alias? What if he used it to obtain a government ID?

Help fight elder abuse

2009-10-12T03:13:00.036-04:00

First, words that gave me comfort:

Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be satisfied.

and from St. (Padre) Pio:

“Pray, hope, and don’t worry! Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer. Prayer is the best weapon we have; it is the key to God’s heart. You must speak to Jesus not only with your lips but with your heart. In fact, on certain occasions, you should speak to Him only with your heart.”

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