I had my chance - 02 July 2007

To sort of recap, my mother and XX are living together in the same house. She has the downstairs and XX lives upstairs. Both are listed on the deed. My mothers health is in decline and she is losing her vision. Since she's having trouble seeing and writing, XX starts to open her mail and write checks for her (signing her name) and has the use of her debit card which will access only her checking account.

In the period 2006/2007, XX had a boyfriend and I think they were close. They had a very bad break-up and I think somehow this leads to the finances of XX going from bad to out of control. My recollection of the sequence of events in this time period may not be accurate. Just keep the boyfriend in back of your mind. I'm going to come back to it later.

IMPORTANT as this comes into play later. I can not access banking information via computer as XX has already established that. However, he has not set up the phone response system, so I'm able to monitor my mothers accounts (Washington Mutual) that way. I also have computer access to her credit card at Chase. Her insurance policy and another account are at MetLife.

My mother has no clue what's going on. As I realize things are not good, I lower the limit on my moms credit card to $4,000 (while XX is in hospital; next paragraph). I don't think I was Power of Attorney yet, but as I was logging into her credit card account online, I was able to do it that way, no questions asked

On 02 July 2007, my mother appoints me Power of Attorney. This occurs because XX is hospitalized with some strange heart problem and he's almost killed by it. Apparently some sort of infection (or was it drugs or exposure to something? The privacy act means only the police can find out). I explain to my mother that with him unable to help, and her health on the rocks, she should appoint me POA so that I could legally attend to her financial needs. I send a copy to the institutions with which she has accounts and I get access to records. Oh yeah, and my mother and XX made a big deal out of the doctors attitude. When XX asked the doctor what would happen to him, the doctor responded "You're going to die". ( March 2010 update: I now understand why the doctor said that).

And so the biggest mistake occurs. Even though I'm POA, I don't redirect mail and bills. I don't take the checkbook and debit/credit cards. BIG, BIG mistake. So this is the cross I bear. You ask why I didn't do anything? XX is the one driving her all over and shopping for her. He lives with her. It just seemed like not a big deal at the time. My wife tells me I tried to take over, but XX gave a hard time. I don't recall.

I still thought XX was basically good and trying to help my mother. The fact XX was paying some of his bills with her money was not  a great concern because, as I figured, he takes days off to run her to doctors appointments, drives her on Saturdays to visit friends, does her shopping and so on. I had no idea what was to come. So anyway, XX got out of the hospital and everything continued.

On several occasions, prior to this date and last August, I begged my mother to at least move in with my family. We have room. Lot's of room. She'd have the master bedroom which has its own full bath with a walk-in shower which is large. There's usually someone here, we cook and clean and overall she'd be on easy street. Like talking to a wall though.

I think it was January 2008 when I had a real sense of trouble. I suggested to my mother she give me $10K for safekeeping. XX didn't like that and called me to put a stop to it. I had the check in my possession, signed by my mother. I waited and I think in February I deposited it. She signed a letter saying it was a gift and that was also written in the memo spot. If she needs it while she's alive, I'll buy whatever she needs with it. After she dies, it'll still be considered a gift. At least I've managed to save some of her money for her.

SUMMARY: XX was hospitalized and I was appointed Power of Attorney. XX had a boyfriend and they had a bad break-up. XX is paying some of his bills from my mothers checking account and signing her name on checks.